And now, for something completely different...
(One line a day, every day, until President Trump is re-elected).
"Good evening, and welcome to NightLine... I'm not Ted Koppel: We begin tonight with the conundrum of our country divided, and as we veer ever farther from only a metaphorical new, the more we need the old stories to be told, so imagine two groups as divided as the Kosher Jewish and the Halal Muslim, who will never agree on how to butcher an animal, but will always agree it's meant for nourishment, what happens the day they are told they can only eat tofu, the day secular progressives pray for, will the former unite or intensify their division when they realize the tofu will be made in China, sold via Facebook, and delivered by Amazon."
(Please continue to tune in, every night at 11:30... ish).