Dear Friends: In his first speech to the joint members of Congress, President Donald J. Trump, President of these United States of America, knocked it right outta the park. Cliche fully intended. Because it's an all-American cliche, and we're all Americans here. And clearly, the President's speech was far from cliche. It was bold, as if given by a true President. And it kept its promises, like a Republican President. And that Republican President is rightly named Donald J. Trump.
And the Democrat response was: "Any similarities to President Ronald Reagan were blatantly coincidental. We have it from our reliably anonymous sources that the-not-our-President Trump consulted the late Nancy Reagan's final astrologist, hoping to channel the late Ronald Reagan, and it clearly failed. Only a boob would think that speech was any good, with all due respect to Melania, as even all of us male Democrats gave her a standing ovation. Which is why we all remained sitting. It was like we were still in grammar-school. Which all of us Democrats were acting like we still are in grammar-school. Bad grammar and all. And even more pathetic, our response was delivered by the only guy we could get, a straight-outta-central-casting-old-redneck-wannabe-looking-dude trying to woo back our red meat. Except now the vegans and progressives are all pissed-the-bleep-off that said old-redneck-looking-dude wasn't Bernie Sanders. Except Bernie looks about as redneck as bluefin tuna-belly sashimi in Kentucky, which we all know the best bluefin tuna-belly sashimi is found in the greater New York metropolitan area, which is where Bernie should stay, and keep counting his hush-money from the Obama-Clinton-DNC. Although, and this is a funny story, we give rednecks the full credit for actually inventing bluefin tuna-belly sashimi (aka Toro, in some place called Japan.) It's actually pork-belly, but from a tuna-fish, and invented by Jim Bob Sam Cooter's second-cousin's fishing partner, Cooter "Tuna-belly" Clinton. (No relation, except to the Clinton Foundation. And, he's also known as Cooter "The Cooter" Clinton, but Bill was only having some fun with him, and it stuck.) Anyways, good ole "Tuna-belly" Clinton caught the very first bluefin tuna-fish ever caught, right here off the coast of Kentucky. There's even a plaque marking the very spot he reeled it in. So come on down, y'all, and visit Kentucky. Home of the first bluefin tuna-fish ever caught. And we have the plaque to prove it."
Okay, Democrats. Thanks for that.
But let's get back to the speech, in which President Trump was a perfect 10 for 10, with 3 homers and 7 grand slams. And if you doubt that, re-watch the speech. And if you still doubt it, you're probably a Democrat. Because it was an A+ speech, delivered by a President who leads from the front, and will never leave any of us behind, and who gave us all the most emotionally poignant moment in recent Presidential history, and maybe all of Presidential history, when he spoke up for Mrs. Carryn Owens, the widow of our most recent fallen hero in the war against that evil in the world, radical Islamic terrorism. His name is William Ryan Owens, and he is a Navy SEAL, and he fell in honorable duty to our country, and Carryn was rightly overwhelmed by the pure emotion of the moment, as we all were, that is, those of us with a heart. (Democrats shamefully sat on their hands, and the response from Bill Maher was as ugly-progressive as it gets, even for an ugly-progressive like Bill Maher. But I digress. Progressives will do that to you.) And President Trump's final honor to Ryan was perfect: Ryan is looking down upon Carryn from up in Heaven, and smiling, because he now owns the record for our longest sustained applause ever for a fallen hero of these great United States of America. And God bless the Owens family for their sacrifice. And God bless President Donald J. Trump for his bold leadership. And God bless the USA.
And finally, God bless Carryn's response to those final words honoring her never to be forgotten husband, Ryan, which was to smile.