Dear Friends: Are we all on the same page with what a democracy is? And isn't? Because there's a whole lotta people out there today trying to tell us what a democracy is. And isn't. So let's ask ourselves: what would our Founding Fathers think?
Let's go back to Yale. Which, until recently, was known as the "conservative" Ivy League university, which in itself, conservative Ivy League anything is one of those oxymorons, like jumbo shrimp, or big prick, or smart ass. All of which (are terms that) now apply to Yale. Because at Yale, they're now looking to dis-own John C. Calhoun, who although was more of a second generation Founding Father, was a state representative, senator, Secretary of State, and Vice President of the United States of America, and a major benefactor, to Yale, and whom John F. Kennedy himself named one of the five greatest senators ever (JFK was a Harvard guy), and allegedly a major league bigot, and probably, to hear Yale call him out, a total drunk.
(A note on that: is an alleged bigot and total drunk a better class of alleged bigot and total drunk if said alleged bigot and total drunk has discriminating tastes? Don't think about that one too hard. It's a never-ending loop of a puzzle.1 To all of us normal people.)
But, amends are to be made, as Yale is also looking to re-instate the black panther party -- as a social club. (Or is it an eating club? Or, is it a drinking club? Or is that Princeton? Who knows? We're not Ivy League material.) And was it Albert Einstein who said that repeating the same thing, over and over again, and expecting a different result would only result in global warming?2 It was. (Einstein was a Princeton guy.) Of course, Einstein was referring to extreme global warming. As in the nuclear option. Which he helped develop, because he had no choice, and despite the only two things he knew for absolute certain: 1) the universe is infinitely vast 2) people are eternally stupid.3 And he wasn't 100% certain about the universe.
And as to that, do we all actually remember the black panther party? Whose mission statement basically was: kill whitey, and all his honkie friends, violently. Which is detestable, to all of us normal people. And do we all remember that this entire Yale fiasco-unless-you-believe-every-crisis-is-an-opportunity began due to Halloween? Which is really just an excuse to eat a lot of candy? And who doesn't love candy? Especially when it makes for a sweet segue way...
Because we need to immediately ban all swedish fish from entering our country, seriously. Why? Because of the Swedish system of justice. Yes, Sweden is renowned for its open door policy, its tolerance of all people, and now, its thought police. Because if you even think, let alone say, that the recent spikes in crime in Sweden are causally linked (not casually, causally) to its immigration policy, and even if you're a police officer who investigates those crimes and simply posted those views on Facebook, you will be investigated for a hate-crime. (Yes, said police officer was investigated, although the investigation was dropped, because even in Sweden, they realized that was insane. But, damage done. Talk about chilling.) Ah, Sweden. Land of the warmest people in the world. Despite the cold. And the thought police.
So yes, Friends, it's even more of an upside down world than we realized, still full of fake news, and alternative facts, and now, the Swedish thought police.
And so, what would our Founding Fathers think?
Let's explore that, in a short play (off-Broadway; we here respectfully want nothing to do with Bill bleeping de Blasio), told in five acts:
- Act I. Fire. Before it, life sucked. Then, life was awesome. And then...
- Act II. Life sucked again. Somehow, we found the light, but still managed the dark ages. And then...
- Act III. Life was awesome again, because we discovered what would become the USA. And the most poignant of our founding fathers, unknown to most, and forgotten by history, but not by us, said, "Government is like fire. It can help you, but let it get out of hand, and it will consume you. And we are here serving you all this wine, master Tom, and we love you, but we would love you even more if we could have some wine, too." And master Tom said, "Consider it done."
- Act IV. Fast-forward to modern times: Boycott! Wegman's! For selling! Trump! Wine! Which is totally fine (that is, the wine), so boycott it all you want. More for the rest of us. (I've heard it's actually quite good. And not imported from Napa or Sonoma. It's made in Virginia. Which is still proudly in the USA.)
- Act V. Surprise ending: master Tom was Thomas Jefferson, one of our foremost Founding Fathers, and third President of the United States of America, amongst many other accomplishments, and, a total drunk. (To the point of being in massive debt, quite a bit of it due to wine purchases, when he passed on to that awesome place in Heaven reserved for our Founding Fathers, where they're all playing golf on cloud 9, with Arnie, and of course Arnie always wins, and still with a smile and likely a cigarette, which God likely allows, because God is truly tolerant of all things.) And Thomas Jefferson was a genius. He attended William and Mary, but he was also a UVA guy, since amongst his many accomplishments, he founded UVA. And somehow, he managed to transplant the best wine-growing regions of France, arguably the best wine-growing regions in the world, all the way to Virginia. But oh, that Thomas Jefferson. What an alleged bigot and total drunk.
1See "high-ground, moral". A favorite pastime of progressives.
2Let's all remember that our Founding Fathers' idea of global warming was when good old Bessie the horse farted, and they all had to suddenly evacuate the stable.
3After Churchill, Einstein was the greatest person of the 20th century, because despite his obvious genius, he never would have excluded himself from his belief in all people's eternal stupidity. He had a sense of humor. And he believed in God.